And they gave me a prosthetic ball. Which the first time a girl licked, I had to giggle. I mean, she didn’t even know. Couldn’t she tell it has a totally different consistency? “Man this dude has an odd ball”.

Maybe thats where “odd ball” came from.

There are some pokes on facebook you hold on to, because you know it will be a while until you get them back. So you return the favour by waiting 6 months yourself. Where as there are some you know you will get back pretty quickly. Sometimes I poke those people just to cheer myself up.

Is it a sign of age that I’ve never installed iTunes on any machine ever? Or is it just some weird old school geekery. There are teenagers now who never suffered the horror of having Napster shut down, and having to use WinMX because Limewire was full of Spyware. Bad times.

I freakin love Chase and Status.

Was supposed to wake up at midday today, and finish shopping. Woke up at 3, sat around and watched TV. It’s been so long since indulging in being lazy. It was actually a pleasure.

The following contains naughty words… because I’m a G like that.

Fuck work, Fuck moving apartment, Fuck changing addresses, Fuck plans, Fuck fucking doing anything but swearing, getting BLIND drunk and jumping around in a sweaty heap to the loudest Metal bands on the planet. The Download festival is here. *crescendo* *bow* *orgasm* kthx.

When all that stress seems to happen at once, when your car half explodes, when a credit card you use to pay for your internet geekery expires, when moving apartment, having a social life and a full time job is too much to balance without getting so pissed off you could squash hamsters for bubblewrap… THATS when you know you need a festival. Five days of dastardly dirty devious delicious debauchery. Indeed! Drinking dancing duelling bantering all the things that make a festival such a catharsis, such a relief.

It’s like the first piss in the morning after a REALLY big night out and the hangover. It’s like staying in bed just that bit longer than you have to. It’s an excuse to wear hats and not make an effort for nearly a week. Its heaven and it comes but once a year.

I don’t need to mention the amazing line-up. I can leave out references to sheer Metal Madness. I hardly touch upon the glory of being free from society, in the campsite of most wonder… this world within worlds because to be there is to know the greatest weekend of all. Glastonbury has its legendary status, Leeds has bigger crowds, V festival is more acceptable… but Download is the daddy. Donnington is where it started with Monsters of Rock. It is the life and soul of festival being. It has the coolest people, a unique vibe and my favourite bands.

To all those who cannot make it, live your life in shame.

To all those who can, see you at the nearby asda for the Half Price Stella